209. Adult Friend-Making 101

It's Never Too Late to Find Your Tribe

When I tell people I’ve only lived in Charleston for a year, they’re often surprised to hear how many friends I’ve made here. This isn’t because I’m the reincarnation of the socially gifted Dale Carnegie. In fact, when I first moved from the desert post-COVID, I was pretty awkward in social situations. It took me a few months to get back on the proverbial socialization bike.

There were plenty of events where I found myself standing alone by the snacks for what felt like an eternity, silently hoping a kind soul would rescue me from my discomfort. And when I did have a great conversation with someone, I was often too shy to ask for their number so we could hang out again. Honestly, is it just me, or is it sometimes easier to ask someone you’re interested in dating for their number than it is to ask a stranger for their number to become friends?

So, how did I go from snack-table wallflower to having a social calendar that’s constantly full and running into people I know everywhere I go? Numbers, baby! Last year, Michelle and I developed a five-step system for making friends that works.

First, we created a vision of what we wanted our friendships to look like. Then, we attended numerous events, kept a detailed “friend database” of everyone we met (yes, stalker vibes, but effective!), hosted multiple gatherings, and consistently showed up for our new friends and acquaintances.

Just last week, I was talking to my friend Sarah about my sabbatical from work, and I told her my favorite part of this time off has been getting to be a good friend. Friendship takes time, energy, and dedication. We spend so many hours training to be the best in our careers, but how much effort do we put into being great friends? Studies consistently show that relationships are one of the most important factors for our health and longevity, yet building and maintaining a community is rarely something we approach deliberately.

Recording this episode was a great reminder of just how important friendship is—and how much intentionality it takes to nurture those bonds. Check out our five steps for making friends below, and let us know: How have you made friends as an adult? What strategies have worked for you, and what challenges have you faced?

The ice may have been fake (we got gliced… again!) but the friendship is real <3

Show Notes

• US Department of Health and Human Services on Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy’s Advisory on the Devastating Impact of the Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation in the United States

• Dr. Vivek Murthy’s discussion regarding the Loneliness Epidemic at Yale School of Management

• Find your local death cafe

• Meetup.com

• Bumble for Friends

• The 2-Hour Cocktail Party: How to Build Big Relationships with Small Gatherings by Nick Gray

• Nick Gray discussing The 2-Hour Cocktail Party on Build a Wealthy Spirit episode 120

• Build a Wealthy Spirit’s example of a friend database template on Notion. If you would like your own copy, just click the “duplicate” button in the top right-hand corner of the browser. You will need to have created a notion account to create a duplicate.

• Build a Wealthy Spirit’s step-by-step guide on How to Build a Community

Community Shoutout

• Thank you Kendall, Clay and TJ for listening to our episode with

  Jordan Grumet
  author of The Purpose Code. You will be receiving a free copy of The Purpose Code

• Thank you Lucca, Becky, Marina, Paul and Harris for your thoughts on our episode about The Four Tendencies.

  • Speaking of

    Lucca
    ! If you love creative storytelling, bold ideas, and a touch of daring inspiration, subscribe to Lucca’s new newsletter The Tattooed Ghost. It’s a newsletter packed with unique insights, captivating segments, and a serialized story you won’t want to miss!

• Thank you Raina for listening to the podcast!

• Thank you Masha for your thoughts on Deprogramming From the Corporate Mindset.

• Richa Vadini Singh
  thank you for listening and your thoughts on our Death Clock Episode!.

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