193. The Financial Barriers to Escaping Domestic Violence + The Resources Available feat. Rychelle Moses
October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month
October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month - Sammie and I encourage you to consider donating to your local shelter if you feel inspired by this essay and podcast. For our friends in Charleston, we recommend My Sister’s House!
Also, if you’re reading this the day it comes out,
is hosting a free Confidence Workshop on tomorrow, October 2nd, for any person who is interested!Sign up here: https://lu.ma/28af8aeh
Domestic violence is so prevalent and effects so many people that chances are either you or someone you know was or is in an abusive relationship.
Sammie and I felt October, which is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, would be a perfect time to bring an expert like
onto our podcast. There are so many complicated parts to leaving a domestic violent relationship from emotional to logistical. We wanted to highlight the financial barriers people face when trying to leave an abusive relationship. While I knew there were non profits and shelters that support people that find themself in an abusive relationship, Rychelle really shined a light on all the little but expensive details we forget.At the start of our conversation, Rychelle invited us to do an exercise where I had to imagine I had three kids and a dog and had to figure out how to get out of an abusive relationship without any outside resources. I thought back to when I found my apartment last year. Not only did I need to pay an application fee and a deposit for rent, I also had to show proof of income which needed to be three times my total rent for the year. There were credit checks and calling my former landlords as well. I needed my car to travel to different apartment tours. Each of these steps would be so difficult to navigate if someone else had control of my bank account, if someone prevented me from working and especially if I was limited to the money I could hide away over a long period of time.
Rychelle shared that across all the different types of abusive relationships, 99% involve financial abuse or manipulation. That means an abuser could prevent you from having money or a bank account of your own.
This exercise reminded me that my mom was particularly adamant when I was growing up that Sammie and I be financially independent. She was not talking about the FI/RE movement or the 4% rule. She was insistent that we support ourselves and never become financially dependent on anyone else. This stems from the fact that in our Indian family, having your own money and freedom as a woman is a relatively new thing in the last couple generations. Even having this in mind, I learned how difficult it is to find a healthy relationship and avoid an abusive one.
I encourage you to listen to the full episode with Rychelle. I knew there would be a lot of costs associated with trying to get out of an abusive relationship, but I was still surprised at all the little yet costly things I hadn’t considered. Also, Rychelle shared all the different types of resources that domestic abuse shelters have. This includes housing, ways to cover housing expenses, support for legal fees, food, clothing, bus tickets and more. There are victim advocates who can help people find the resources they need and navigate leaving an abusive relationship. Hearing how far a dollar goes in these shelters inspired me to look into supporting our own local shelter My Sister’s House, which provides these things and more to people in our community.
Check out the full episode to learn more! If there’s any resources we should know about, please feel free to share in our comments:
Learn More About
:Essays: Navigating Relationships
Confidence Workshop October 2nd: https://lu.ma/28af8aeh
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@RychelleMoses
Show Notes:
My Sister’s House: https://www.mysistershouse.org/: “My Sister's House relies on the generous support of our Lowcountry community to continue offering free, confidential domestic violence survival services in Charleston, Dorchester, and Berkeley Counties.”
Thanks for having me on to talk about such an important topic!