174. Your Feelings Are Not My Problem
Why you should stop taking responsibility for other peoples feelings
Most of our friends in Charleston are reading the book Not Nice. It’s comical because at any given time one of our friends will have a physical copy of the book with them and they will put it out when we hear that one of our friends needs to be “Not Nice”.
We have found that people-pleasing and being “nice” is a disease that plagues most of us. When I first heard of being “not nice’, my gut reaction was defensiveness. What is wrong with being nice? The opposite of niceness seems to be cruelty but, in actuality, the opposite of being nice is being direct.
When we try to protect other people’s feelings by being nice we are doing them a disservice. We are patronizing them because we assume that they cannot deal with clear information. We often harbor resentment towards the person we are nice to because we cannot express ourselves. Worst of all, sometimes we blow up at the person later after our resentment builds up. This is unfair to the other person because we did not give them a chance to change. It also decreases our integrity because our prior “nice” behavior can seem fake.
Today Michelle and I discuss the toxicities of being nice and, specifically, the problem with taking ownership over other people’s feelings.
Are you guilty of people-pleasing or “nice” behavior? How does it show up in your life and have you found ways to communicate more directly? Comment below!
Show Notes:
Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself by Nedra Glover Tawwab
Community Time
AirHelp: Partner For This Episode
Check out our partner for this episode, AirHelp. AirHelp is a part of the Association of Passenger Rights Advocates (APRA) whose mission is to promote and protect passengers' rights. Click this link if you've had a cancelled or delayed flight as well as support our podcast: AirHelp Affiliate Link